Thursday, October 30
oh so what. now you rship alr so no more msges lah? not that i wanted any from you. you think you can just use me when you need someone for company and for a listening ear (even though i'd admit i'm not excellent at that) and you can just find someone else and suddenly nothing lor.
stupid lah you. you wanted this to happen. you wanted to let go of him and let him find from his 'greener pastures' so what are you sulking over that huh.
bu xi han!
i'm just really curious as to how you could be so shameless and do what you did and still have the cheek to talk to me, are you really innocent? which i seriously have so much doubts in.
seriously i think you really really really never considered my feelings. i was wondering if it was just for fun. for fun also not funny lor. but all you cared about is yourself. everything is about you. you want everyone to care for you and when someone else needs comfort you find it tiresome and boring. because it's not about you! don't you see it? you want some one who can care for you the way you want. when they do you're happy, when they need comfort you'll get sick of it and find another source of 'worthy' recipient of your 'love'. from your ex whom you complained is selfish, to me who supposedly is your second, and your fourth!? to your dear lzy to whoever else now. i really don't know how you could evade all the qns i have, i can't remember but you must have been good.
i feel like crap. knowing that i willingly allowed you. the only guy (NOT EVEN MY DAD). to touch me. hug you to let you know i truly love you, to give you security in my love and promise to you. come close to you, thinking i could cast away all my fears and insecurities and hide in your love. Guess Not.
and each time i think about you on the bus and at the restaurant just like how my FRIENDS described you to be touchy with supposedly lzy, thinking and wondering how it is even possible that you could be intimate with her not having a care for my feelings if i knew about any of it, and STILL CLAIMED YOU LOVE ME. you think it's possible for me to trust you again that quickly? or even ever?! have you ever truly truly loved me? or was it just a moment thing that you made it sound/look/illustrated to be beautiful with your wit and flattery? did you really cry bucketfuls for me? when i cried bucketfuls daily in that span of a couple of months and even break down in tears in front of my friends at school and when i tutored, those times of loneliness, they're nothing? all for nothing? over nothing?
i don't think i can even look you in the eye and pretend that nothing has happened like you're doing now, not now, not ever.
all i can say to you is, how could you...?
stupid lah you. you wanted this to happen. you wanted to let go of him and let him find from his 'greener pastures' so what are you sulking over that huh.
bu xi han!
i'm just really curious as to how you could be so shameless and do what you did and still have the cheek to talk to me, are you really innocent? which i seriously have so much doubts in.
seriously i think you really really really never considered my feelings. i was wondering if it was just for fun. for fun also not funny lor. but all you cared about is yourself. everything is about you. you want everyone to care for you and when someone else needs comfort you find it tiresome and boring. because it's not about you! don't you see it? you want some one who can care for you the way you want. when they do you're happy, when they need comfort you'll get sick of it and find another source of 'worthy' recipient of your 'love'. from your ex whom you complained is selfish, to me who supposedly is your second, and your fourth!? to your dear lzy to whoever else now. i really don't know how you could evade all the qns i have, i can't remember but you must have been good.
i feel like crap. knowing that i willingly allowed you. the only guy (NOT EVEN MY DAD). to touch me. hug you to let you know i truly love you, to give you security in my love and promise to you. come close to you, thinking i could cast away all my fears and insecurities and hide in your love. Guess Not.
and each time i think about you on the bus and at the restaurant just like how my FRIENDS described you to be touchy with supposedly lzy, thinking and wondering how it is even possible that you could be intimate with her not having a care for my feelings if i knew about any of it, and STILL CLAIMED YOU LOVE ME. you think it's possible for me to trust you again that quickly? or even ever?! have you ever truly truly loved me? or was it just a moment thing that you made it sound/look/illustrated to be beautiful with your wit and flattery? did you really cry bucketfuls for me? when i cried bucketfuls daily in that span of a couple of months and even break down in tears in front of my friends at school and when i tutored, those times of loneliness, they're nothing? all for nothing? over nothing?
i don't think i can even look you in the eye and pretend that nothing has happened like you're doing now, not now, not ever.
all i can say to you is, how could you...?
21:29
Wednesday, October 29
i'll have to let this go once and for all.
fantacising like this is foolish and time-wasting. yes. You are time wasting.
i can't believe i trusted in you time and time again. i can't believe i gave my time and energy up for such an annoying fool. O: things in common? wishful thinking. there never was a time when i can tell you things truly from within. and i don't think you listen with your heart.
to you. i don't even know who i am when i'm with you.
i can't even believe the embarrassment i'm carrying when i am out with you.
i can't believe i didn't trust my friends but you. and for what?
things never was going to be and never will be the same again.
you think it's fun?
you think it's enjoyable?
my gullibility is not for you to take advantage of.
why did i even believe you? over everyone one else's opinions.
surely someone was telling the truth. but who?
fantacising like this is foolish and time-wasting. yes. You are time wasting.
i can't believe i trusted in you time and time again. i can't believe i gave my time and energy up for such an annoying fool. O: things in common? wishful thinking. there never was a time when i can tell you things truly from within. and i don't think you listen with your heart.
to you. i don't even know who i am when i'm with you.
i can't even believe the embarrassment i'm carrying when i am out with you.
i can't believe i didn't trust my friends but you. and for what?
things never was going to be and never will be the same again.
you think it's fun?
you think it's enjoyable?
my gullibility is not for you to take advantage of.
why did i even believe you? over everyone one else's opinions.
surely someone was telling the truth. but who?
08:26